If I only I knew how much things would really change when this little life entered my world.
I had so much advice thrown at me while I was pregnant, while some of it was pretty good, the rest of it was pretty shit.
A good friend told me ‘you find out who your true friends are when you have a baby’. There is SO much truth in this but when she told me at the time I thought, really? Fuck yes. Since becoming a Mum 9 weeks ago, I have come to realise its better to have a small amount of really good, close friends than a bunch of people you barely hear from. Some of my friends who I considered close haven’t even met my son. I am OK with this, I’ve come to realise who my true friends really are based on their actions throughout my pregnancy and the birth of Baxter.
I guess a big thing for me that has changed is that, I used to be that somewhat cautious friend. I didn’t have a baby so I didn’t realise how much you’re life was turned upside down, especially in those first few weeks. I didn’t want to be that clingy friend while they were extremely sleep deprived but I also didn’t want to disappear of the radar and leave them wondering why. As somebody who has now been on both sides, the advice I can offer is just be there, send a text every now and then so they know you’re thinking of them, offer support where possible and understand that they’re probably tired as hell and won’t respond straight away or always be up for visitors. Know that they appreciate the invite out even if they can’t make it, it’s the thought that counts. Going out with a newborn is tough, being on time is a thing of the past and quickly ‘popping out’ is no longer possible.
My love life was the next to get hit, obviously, there is little ‘us’ time these days as all of our energy is focussed on little man. We argue about the most ridiculous things and I put it down to lack of sleep (and patience, I’ll touch on this soon). I don’t love him any less, in fact, the day our son was born, I fell in love with him even more. It’s tough, we’re both going through so much and adjusting to our new life as parents. We talk often and are both aware of it which is the main thing, we know when it happens and know that the other means no harm by it. It’s hard though, I am not going to sugar coat it. Make sure you set some time aside for you and your partner, it’s so so important to maintain some form of normality.
Patience, what patience? I seem to have lost it in the delivery room alongside my dignity. I have the lowest tolerance for bullshit these days, from dramatic friends to opinionated people online (ironic as I am one of them). I have so much more to worry about these days, and have just found I simply can’t be bothered with trivial things that are of such low importance to me. Don’t get me wrong, I have so much patience when it comes to my son, I just seem to have lost it for everybody else and I think I put that down to the fact that my life is so devoted to him right now.
I could have never prepared for how much I could love another being, how much energy I would devote to him, how much I would worry, protect and second guess my parenting decisions.
I’ve grown closer to my family, they’ve been amazing and I love seeing them with him. I’ve gained some amazing new mummy friends through our antenatal group and have also reconnected with some old friends who now have kids.
Life changes so much and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
What’s changed for you?