Being a stay at home mum

I’m just going to come right out and say it – it’s not for me and I don’t enjoy it. I love my son with all of my being but I am not cut out to be a stay at home mum. I know those who are unable to do so for various reasons will most likely get pissed off by this post but as I’ve said a million times, this is my blog, my thoughts and feelings. Don’t like it – don’t read it.

I am not choosing to go back to work for financial reasons, I am choosing to return to work for me, so I am able to provide an even better future for my child. Yes, I worry I will miss important milestones but I try not to think about it while coming to terms with the decision I’ve recently made.

The intention never was to not return but I kept my plans lose so I could see how I felt about being a SAHM. I went on maternity leave back in July, my boy was due in August. He is only 11 weeks old now and I’ve already made my decision – does that make me a bad parent? No, but after reading various articles online people sure act like it. There seems to be a lot of guilt associated with making the decision to put your children into some form of care, especially when they’re under 12 months old.

I am going to admit, before I became a parent I used to always wonder what SAHM’s did, I used to think they had it easy. Um, they don’t. Caring for a small human day/night is fucking hard work. My decision to return to work is not because I can’t hack it, I know many don’t have a choice and simply have to return to work because they financially can’t afford to stay home. In the industry I am in, I am lucky to be able to work 1-2 days from home and will look to find suitable care for my child 3 days per week. This is going to be hard for me, due to the guilt I feel from others responses such as “oh wow, you’re going back to work?”, “but he will only be 6 months old”, “what if you miss his first steps?”. Yes, thank you captain obvious.

I am doing what long term is the best option for me and my child. I need adult conversations, I need to be challenged and I want to continue building my career whilst providing for my family.  For some people, like me, being at home all the time can get really lonely, yes – you have your wee one there but if you’re accustomed to the camaraderie of being around other adults, the drastic change can lead to bad feelings. Endless dirty nappies and washing becomes frustrating and its hard to find a sense of accomplishment.

I know I have a few close friends who have found themselves in similar situations. We’re good mums and our children will thank us one day. If you’re facing the tough decision and are weighing up your options, do what feels right, if you enjoy being a SAHM – I take my hat off to you, do whatever possible to stay home with your little one, look into work that you can from home. If you aren’t enjoying it, it’s OK to return to work, your child isn’t going to love you any less.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. melissalosesit says:

    Do what’s best for your family and don’t feel guilty. I knew at a certain point being a stay at home wasn’t going to be right for me and going back to work has made me a better mum for my little boy. Being the best mummy you can be to your little guy is all that matters!

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  2. You need to do what is best for your family and for your situation. What a child needs most is a happy mum and a happy family. Of course you have thought hard about this. People will have opinions on this…of course they will, they have opinions on everything that is none of their business, just know in your mind that you have made the right one for everyone who it actually affects!

    I chose to be a SAHM and like you acknowledge it is bloody hard, but it is a choice I was fortunate enough to have, and wait for it, people still question and judge my decision. I am constantly asked “when are you going back to work?”, the kids have even asked!

    Being a parent, no matter what you do, you will be judged. Does it matter? No.

    As for missing milestones, working fathers miss those all the time. Does it mean they love their children less? No.

    Much love to you and your family.

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  3. Its really about what the child needs though isn’t it?

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    1. newmumclub says:

      Yes, and I can better provide for my child by going back to work 🙂

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  4. Trish says:

    This has really hit home for me. I am still a stay at home mum and I have a love/hate relationship with it. some days i am so lonely and depressed and wish I was at work but then other days I am so thankful that my work is to look after my little human. Big ups to do for doing what is best for your mental wellbeing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. newmumclub says:

      It’s not for everybody and it’s okay to admit it even though many people wouldn’t. Thanks heaps, appreciate the kind words and support 🙂

      Like

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