As I write this, I am in complete denial that Baxter is 6 months old today! Yes, today. What the shit.
Part of me thinks where on earth has the time gone? The other part of me knows exactly where it’s gone. The first 4-8 weeks is a blur of sleep deprivation and emotions. Everybody says it gets better and it totally does. 6 months down the track and I feel like I’ve totally got this mum thing on lockdown. I am no longer scared of the public meltdowns (I know I will come toddler time) and I’m no longer tiptoeing the hallway living in fear of him waking up. I am not the perfect mum by any stretch but I feel comfortable with my abilities/decisions and no longer question myself.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs. I am currently dealing with postnatal depression, and I’m ok with that. I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for a large majority of my life so this isn’t unfamiliar territory for me. I’ve accepted I am struggling and I’m following the appropriate steps to get help and become an even better mum.
Baxter is growing up to be such a handsome little man. He has such a cool personality (he gets that from his mama) and is just such a happy & relaxed baby. We smashed out the dreaded transition into the cot in his room about 3 months ago and it turned out to be the best thing we could have done! I had so much anxiety around it as the thought of not having him next to me really scared me. We purchased the best baby monitor money could buy and that provided me with the peace of mind I needed.
Highlights for me?
- Meeting this amazing little person that we created
- Learning and growing with him
- The smiles/giggles
- His development/achievements (he’s now rolling around like crazy)
- Introducing him to family & friends, we’re so proud of him!
- Making new mum friendsWalking into his bedroom when he wakes in the morning to be greeted with the biggest smile is one of the best feelings in the world
I know there will be heaps more that I’ve forgotten. Blame the bottle of champagne we’re currently drinking to celebrate we’ve made it through 6 months of parenthood and all 3 of us are still alive!
We’ve been extremely lucky in the sleep department with Baxter sleeping 14 hours for the past 2 months, he starting sleeping through from an early age after discovering we were doing it all wrong and getting some great advice from a plunket nurse. Due to so much sleep at night, he doesn’t sleep as much during the day but we’re ok with this. I’m a terrible sleeper and have insomnia so having the extra time to actually fall asleep is a life saver for me. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, it was the sleep deprivation that killed me the most so I truly think the change in his sleeping patterns has heavily changed the way I feel overall.
I returned to work on the 1st of February, we tried the daycare thing, it lasted 2 days. Read my last post if you’re curious but in short, Baxter now comes to work with me. Yes, I am lucky to be able to do this but I have to work twice as fucking hard to prove to others (and myself) that I can do just as much, if not more than everybody else. I work full time while caring for my son, I run 3 businesses and of course, this blog. Life is crazy busy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t want sympathy for being so busy, I chose this life – in order to provide an amazing life for my family.
I’ve found at times I’ve been really consumed by all the mummy war bullshit out there in the world and more specifically online. I’ve learnt to not buy into it. So long as you and your child are happy, nothing else really matters. I would always see photos and videos on my feed and think “why doesn’t my child do that” and then one day I had a brainwave. That’s great for them, but I shouldn’t fucking care! Focus on your family and you’ll find yourself a heck of a lot happier. I don’t care where your child sleeps, how you feed them or where they’re at developmentally, that’s your business. I decided to leave a lot of the mummy groups I belonged too as I became too consumed and that was what was making me question my own parenting. I love all the mum friends I have made and the fact that I have friends who have babies, it means I have support and understanding from others who know what its like but I have also found that the ones who are the most judgemental, are other mums!
I keep getting asked ‘when are you going to have another?’. I have no idea! Baxter needs to be at LEAST 1.5 years old and both my partner and I need to be ready. We would love a little sister for wee Baximus but I am in no rush and when the time is right and we’re ready – it’ll happen. There, I said it.
Becoming a mum has been one of the best things to ever happened to me and I wouldn’t change it for the world.