Acceptance

I still don’t think I have really come to terms with my new body, I’ve written about my stretch marks before and while it’s easy to adopt the attitude ‘out of sight, out of mind’ – they are definitely not out of mind. I am wanting to put Baxter into swimming lessons, my partner hates water/swimming so that leaves me. Yet I am scared to bare my skin and get in the water, I can wear a singlet and cover up as much as possible but I know the whole time my anxiety will be through the roof. I shouldn’t even be making it about me, I want Baxter to be comfortable in the water and learn to enjoy it and be safe yet I more concerned about overcoming this fear of my own.

I’ve just started using a Stretch Mark/Scar Blend from Le’Esscience which I’ve heard great things about and have seen equally great results. It will take about 7-12 weeks to see any real results as like any other blend, it has a cumulative affect so I need to make sure I stuck to it as I know if I can lighten the scaring then I’ll be well on my way to feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

It’s selfish I know, others are having issues falling pregnant and I’m moaning about my stretch marks, marks which without, I wouldn’t have my son. I am truly grateful for my child. I just wish I’d been smarter about making more of an active effort to lessen the damage done. I was lazy and figured I was lucky and wouldn’t get them as at 30+ weeks I had nothing and then boom. My belly was so big a lot of them I didn’t even notice forming under my bump. Not everybody gets them, and if you didn’t get any – consider yourself extremely lucky.

My stomach has never and will never be the same but I am really trying to accept my new body. I have never been one to show a lot of skin anyway and I’m a super self conscious person but this is just taking it to a whole new level.

My stretch marks are bad. They look like I’ve been attacked by a wild animal (maybe that’d be a better story to roll with). They’re deep and almost look like burns. I know they will fade over time but I think with the extent of them, it’s likely they’ll always be quite prominent. The tattoo is ruined, but I am not bothered as I hated it anyway (and yes, the two o’s were on purpose).

So here I am, baring it all to you. If anybody else is in the same boat you’ll now you are not alone. It’s tough, I won’t lie. I feel sad when I see people bounce back from their pregnancies. I don’t wish for a perfect body, I just wish I could be comfortable and confident in myself. It will come with time I am sure. I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I will never have my old body back. My entire body shape is different and I’ve come to terms with that so it’s just a case of working on the scaring and that little joey pouch.

They tell a story, a story some are not lucky enough to be experience. I am thankful everyday, don’t get me wrong. They’re a part of me now, a part I am yet to fully accept.

I’ll update you in a few weeks as to how I’ve got on with the Stretch Mark/Scar Blend.

acceptance

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Not one of the other mothers in my daughters swimming lessons (we’ve been going for 2 years) has worn a bikini, even the dads wear a rash top!!

    Like

  2. Dee says:

    I’m 31 and have 4 children, my oldest is 14 and my baby is 7…I am still trying to come to terms with my stretch marks and saggy boobs…even after all this time I don’t like my body

    Liked by 1 person

    1. newmumclub says:

      It’s not an easy road but once you accept that it is what it is and it’s all part of the journey. You grew life and gave birth, be proud xx

      Like

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