We made it

A year on and I am almost lost for words which is a rare occasion for me. This last week has been rather eventful for me and I don’t really even know where to start.

For those who don’t follow all my social channels, my son turned one, I got engaged and we threw Baxter his 1st birthday party. All in the period of a week. It’s been a whirlwind but my life is generally pretty hectic but this was next level.

Baxter turning one is huge, the last year has gone so insanely fast I struggle to put it all into words. It’s been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Becoming a parent has been the toughest yet most rewarding responsibility, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and on some days I’ve wanted to rip my hair out. I’ve questioned my parenting decisions and I’ve also questioned if I am capable of such a responsibility. I’ve lost friends and I’ve gained some bloody amazing new ones. I’ve grown apart from people because life is different for me now, I have different priorities and things that were previously important to me really aren’t all that important anymore. I’ve grown as a person and I’ve discovered an inner strength I never knew I had.

There were moments there in those early weeks where I really questioned whether I was cut out for being a Mum. I was struggling mentally and I genuinely didn’t think I could do it. Sleep deprivation really fucks with your head and had me in such a mess I wasn’t functioning properly. It is so important to have a good support network around you to help combat this. My next hurdle was realising I was suffering from Post Natal Depression and seeking the appropriate treatment, hands down the best thing I could have done for myself. I became a lot more patient and my mental wellbeing is in a much better place now.

It’s funny because people make the comment when being handed a newborn baby, ‘do they come with a manual?’ and now I understand. We really did have NO idea what we were doing and it is extremely overwhelming. As time went on, each day became easier, don’t get me wrong, they’ll change up their routine and completely throw you off within a day but you gradually become more confident. I used to be so scared of going out in public and now I really don’t care. I am confident in myself that I could appropriately deal with any situation that may come up. He is no longer calling the shots, I am! Haha.

One year seems like a long time but it really isn’t. To look back now I am well impressed and proud of what me and my little family have achieved. The development Baxter has made and the joy he has brought to our lives. As this chapter closes, another one opens and I am looking forward to what the next year has in store.

A year for Baxter means a year for this blog since it went live (was a private pregnancy journal for the previous 9 months). 15,000+ followers on and I can’t believe the opportunities that I have been presented with, the sense of community I have created and the amazing people I have met along the way. Each and every one of you plays a part in this and I cannot begin to thank you enough.Feeling very overwhelmed and emotional this past week. My life has changed so much and I am no longer the person I used to be, I am so much better and I am so damn grateful that I made decisions to put me and my happiness first in order to create a better life and future for myself. Never settle for anything less than you deserve.I am now the mother of a 1 year old and a fiancee to one pretty bloody amazing man and in a few short months I will be 30. Eeeeeek.

Bring on the next year!