Reuben said to me last night “you need some new content”. The sad thing is, he’s right. Life has been so insanely busy as of late that I really haven’t set aside time to blog as much as I would have liked. I’ll be honest, I’ve set aside NO time. As I’m sure you’ve been able to tell. We’ve had a pregnancy announcement, Christmas, NY, my 30th birthday in less than a week (cue meltdown). I’ve celebrated the 2 year anniversary of this very blog and the Facebook page ticked over 30 THOUSAND followers, I am still in shock. To top it all off?.. the baby is going to be here in 13.5 weeks. OH MY GOD. That is 95 days away. Are we prepared? Um, kind of.
Having a second baby is NOTHING like having your first baby, well this is how its been for me anyway. I was so extremely organised about this time with Baxter. His room was ready and I’d probably moved the furniture around and re-organised everything like 5 times and I was probably packing my hospital bag for the 3rd time. I was petrified about the birth and each week I would remind Reuben “you know the baby is going to be here soon right?” cos men, well. You know.
This pregnancy has been oh so different and I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that its a girl. I have to check the app on my phone to confirm how far along I am when people ask and am only just now starting to really come to terms with the fact that in a few short months, our baby girl will be here and our family will be complete. Yes, no more babies. I know what you’re thinking.. everybody says that no more. But this is what we want. We’re ecstatic to be having one of each and 2 is what we always wanted.
Babies room is nowhere near completed. We’re doing some renovations on the spare room which will end up being Baxter’s new room, and shrimpy will go into Baxter’s current room once she’s graduated out of our room. That is the plan, the room needs to be painted and currently resembles a hoarders living room. As Reuben would say “we have pleeeenty of time”. It’s not doing good things for my anxiety, thats for sure. But I know it will all work out.
Do you know one thing that is really starting to scare me? Freak me out, make me anxious? Its extremely selfish. Really. Baxter has been an amazing sleeper since an early age. We’ve been so so lucky, everybody told us he would stop it eventually and “it won’t last for long” typical buzzkill comments. He hasn’t stopped. He is still sleeping anywhere from 12-15 hours a night. I am not joking, this kid is a mini version of his Dad and he LOVES to sleep. And yes, he has a small day sleep too. I am so scared that the new baby is going to affect his sleeping and that we will all fall apart. Deep down, I know its selfish. Baxter being a good sleeper has really helped my PND because I KNOW that sleep deprivation is a killer, trust me, I did experience it. Those first 3 months were hellish. It actually fucks with your brain and it can be quite dangerous at times. I am genuinely worried that if his sleep gets all out of whack then we will have two not sleeping and how will we cope? Oh poor me you’re probably thinking, but its scares me and triggers my anxiety. I don’t know how I will cope.
I know its going to be tough, we’ve done it before, I know the rough times will pass and you start having good days between the bad days, then good weeks, good months. I am just starting to panic. I know Baxter will change a wee bit with his sister arriving, although he is young. I am sure he will know. He seen me with a friends 9 week old baby a few weeks ago and the look he gave me truly broke my heart. It made me feel like. I had to sneak back into his room later to tell him that I loved him. I felt terrible and I know these feels with flood back soon when I am spreading my love and attention between two.
Every baby is so different and I have no idea what to expect.
I am shit scared that my PND is going to come flooding back in full force. My GP, Midwife and family are amazing. I have a great support system so this shouldn’t be a concern of mine, but it is. After discussions with my GP, Midwife & Reuben we decided it was better for me to remain on my medication throughout this pregnancy. I felt good about the decision until some dip shit pharmacist who filled my prescription scare mongered me and told me it was extremely dangerous for the baby with me being on medication. Who the hell does he think he is? Like I wasn’t in a vulnerable enough state.
Anyway, I am starting to ramble a bit. I haven’t blogged in a while, I start to type and now I can’t seem to stop. Sometimes airing your thoughts and fears make you feel a shit load better. I know it often makes others feel better because they realise their fears are normal.
Thanks to my anterior placenta (I had one with Baxter too), I’ve only felt movements in the last two weeks but it definitely makes it all feel a lot more real.
Life has been hectic but I promise I will blog at least once a week going forward!