I’m a shouty mum

Yesterday Reuben informed me that I’m a shouty mum. I honestly didn’t even realize until he said it. When Baxter isn’t listening, my immediate reaction is to raise my voice assuming that will get his attention. It doesn’t. He generally laughs at me now and to be frank, I’ve brought it on myself.

Seeing the bond that’s grown between Reuben and Baxter while I’ve been working has affected me more than I thought it would and more than I would ever openly admit (until now). Baxter will go to Reuben in a heartbeat instead of me. Is it because I sometimes raise my voice? Is it because I am not around as much as he is? Please note, I am in no way blaming Reuben for this. I am just aware of my feelings and some of the reasons I often feel the way I do.

So many things go through my mind like this. I know that so much of what we do now will shape their future and I have to say, I am scared. I don’t want Baxter to be scared of me because I raise my voice on occasion; sometimes it’s the only way I know how to deal with things? Being pregnant, working full time and dealing with work/life stress is really taking its toll on me and now being in the final trimester, I’m finding it extremely difficult to keep a lid on things.

Everybody always reassures you and says, “you’re the mum, he will ALWAYS love you”. I know. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to see the bond that’s grown between them, while I am SO happy that they are like they are (it warms my heart) but it still hurts. I want him to look at me the way he looks at Reuben.

I know I am not the one who will feel this way from time to time. The daycare mums, the partners of stay at home dads. All of those they can’t spend as much time there as they’d like too, for whatever their reasons.

The point of this post, I don’t even know. I am feeling bad today for raising my voice several times yesterday, for not being able to control my emotions and for not managing my PND very well. Yes, anger is a common symptom of PND that many don’t realize or talk about. I would never harm myself or my children. EVER. But sometimes I get wound up and I shout.

Does that make me a bad mother?

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Emily says:

    Not so much of an entirely bad mother more so bad tendencies that need to be addressed. Once you feel that emotion take a sec breathe and research other alternatives other than yelling yep I’ll admit ur yelling may stem from childhood, how u were raised but research alternatives. I used to do the same thing, now I talk. Its way more communicative. Yelling also uses a lot of energy. Emily.

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    1. newmumclub says:

      Aware of the tendencies hence why I wrote about it and am looking at better ways to deal
      with it. I know I’m not a bad mother. Thanks

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  2. kfnmcdonald says:

    Im pregnant with a toddler also and have raised my voice more since being pregnant. I think its also the hormones and being tired/run down. I try to breath when frustrated or walk away!

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  3. KatieP says:

    You’re a wonderful mother. Thankyou for sharing x

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  4. YouGoMama says:

    Ugh I feel you. I went back to work full time after my maternity leave was up and my partner has been the most awesomest stay-at-home-dad ever. My little one favours dad the most and can fall asleep with him faster than me and sometimes I wish I was the “favourite” or “go-to” parent but you and I are doing what we feel is the best for our families which is going to work – it doesn’t make it easier to see it happen though so thanks for not making me feel alone 🙂

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  5. Danielle says:

    Not a shouty mum – a pregnant and hormonal mum 🙂

    This may or may not help but I will share with you the moment that I learned to stop shouting.

    Up until 37 weeks pregnant I continued in my role leading a busy school foundation stage of 130 small people aged 3-5 and 12 staff members (as well as being part of the school leadership team and involved in supporting other schools)

    I refused to slow down (worried that people were relying on me) I was knackered. And sometimes I wanted to shout at everybody. Or run away and cry.

    One thing that really helped in those moments was following some advice from an older colleague that I worked with many years before – a very kind, gentle, wise lady and a very good friend to this day. She was a special needs assistant in my class at the time, giving 1:1 support to a 4 year old autistic child.

    Observing me getting more and more worked up as my overcrowded class of 30+ little darlings knowingly pushed all my buttons, she approached me and gently laid her hands on my arms. “Look at their hands” she told me. Bending down she took the hand of the nearest child and laid it in the palm of her hand. I understood instantly. Tiny, innocent little hands belong to tiny, precious, little people. From that moment on I very rarely shouted at another child (or human) again (bar a few terrible life choice exes and on the odd occasion where I admit, I have lost my shit) but most times when I feel a shout bubbling it’s way up, I look down at the tiny little hands of the little person in my charge and the angerness and frustration simply flows away.

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  6. stacyquizhpilema says:

    I understand exactly how you feel, I am also a shouty mom. I feel that because I am so soft spoken he doesn’t take me seriously so I resort to yelling. Even using a stern voice doesn’t work. You are def not a bad momma, your a work in progress momma, a learn as you go momma, you are a regular momma. Just like all of us we are learning as we go and figuring out what works as we go. As for the way you feel, I am the same except the bond with my husband and son doesnt bother me but the bond he has with his grandmothers do, I cannot help but feel possessive of him when they are around. Because he unfortunately calls them mama also and when I reprimand him for misbehaving he runs for comfort to them, and instead of backing me up they cottle him so around them I am mean, yelling mommy and they are just MAMA. 😦

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