I still don’t think I have really come to terms with my new body, while it’s easy to adopt the attitude ‘out of sight, out of mind’ – they are definitely not out of mind, far from it. And I am reminded of this everytime I get out of the shower and see my reflection in the mirror.
It’s selfish I know, others are having issues falling pregnant and I’m moaning about my stretch marks, marks which without, I wouldn’t have my kids. I am truly grateful for my children. Don’t get me wrong, the way I feel about myself and my body has NO reflection on the love I have for my children. I am able to mourn the loss of my old body while coming to terms with my new one. Somebody commented on my Instagram and told me this was sad and that I clearly wasn’t doing anything about it. Right oh. Me and my new body is a work in progress, I know this. But right now, these are my feels – and they’re real.
My stretch marks are bad. Really bad. They look like I’ve been attacked by a wild animal (maybe that’d be a better story to roll with). They’re deep and almost look like burns. I know they will fade over time but I think with the extent of them, it’s likely they’ll always be quite prominent. The tattoo is ruined, but I am not bothered as I hated it anyway.
I heard a quote the other day, “For every woman who hates her stretch marks there is a woman wishing she had them”. It really got me thinking. Thinking about the new body I have. I am thankful everyday, don’t get me wrong. The stretch marks a part of me now, a part I am yet to fully accept. They are battle wounds and I now have two amazing and seriously adorable kids. I am still allowed to feel the way I feel though.
Whilst I am almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight, my body is most certainly not the same but I am OK with that. Am I really? Yes and no. It’s funny because I weigh the same but I am different size and body shape now, my boobs went from a C to a DD and I am not even breastfeeding anymore. I don’t fit any of my old clothes and I can’t stand anything that is tight fitting, although I never did, to be honest.
3 months on from baby #2 and I don’t think I can say I ‘love’ my body but I am coming to terms with the fact that this is my body now. Not everybody gets stretch marks, yay you. I did, and it’s really not the end of the world.
So here I am, baring it all to you. If anybody else is in the same boat you’ll now you are not alone. It’s tough, I won’t lie. I feel sad when I see people bounce back from their pregnancies. I don’t wish for a perfect body, I just wish I could be comfortable and confident in myself. It will come with time I am sure. I will never have my old body back. I look in the mirror and I don’t like the person I see anymore.
I am learning to accept it while doing things to improve both my mental and physical state.
We got this mama x
