New year! Same old me

I am usually one of those people who post a big New Years status saying ‘new year, new me’ blah blah you know the ones. And as I write this I’m thinking to myself, this kind of IS one of those posts (haha, awkward).

I guess it’s coming from a different angle.. bear with me.

I am not going to change this new year because I am happy with where my life is, I’m content. Yes, I’ve lost a lot of friends in recent months due to everybody being busy with their families and other friend groups and I am now in a place where I am OK with this, I get it. I’ve been super busy myself and maybe I haven’t made as much effort as I could have but friendship is a 2-way street and for years I’ve felt like I’m the one always making the effort. Sometimes all it takes is a nice text to say I am being thought of, these texts are rarely received nowadays. I was never one to maintain a group of friends from school, I was working on new things and side projects and many didn’t understand that at the time and would have preferred to go and get drunk. I guess this has followed me through life and at times I worry that maybe I am not a good friend but I’ve recently realized I am a bloody good friend and I will always be there for my true friends, they know that I would do anything for them and while I am not always present, I am there.

As we grow older we realise what’s important and what’s not. Materialistic things which used to excite me no longer have that effect. Sure, it’s nice to have ‘nice things’ but what is the real desire behind wanting them? Once you start to think about that you realise that it’s really not important. I’ve worked super hard and sometimes it is nice to treat myself but there’s a difference between the odd splurge and falling into this vortex of having the best of everything purely to claim a ‘status’.

I am 30 in just over 2 weeks and soon to be a Mum of 2 under 2. I am scared. No, wait, I am petrified as not only am I getting older – life’s about to get hectic as hell. Even more so than it is now. I worry about how I am going to cope. Am I going to suffer from PND again? Whilst I am doing what I can to manage it, the future is unknown and it’s a little daunting. I am going into #2 with a lot more knowledge and power so I know what I do and don’t want, I know the warning signs and I know what action needs to be taken should I feel myself slipping again.

I really don’t even know where I am going with this post. Yes, it’s a new year and the beginning of a new year is a great time to adopt change and make goals but it’s not a must. If you are happy with your life, why change? Don’t do it for others, do it for you.

While my full-time job and my blog require me to be online and on social media a lot, over recent weeks I’ve recent stepped back on the personal front to ensure I don’t allow myself to get too consumed.

I stopped my photography business after 10 years a few months ago and it was one of the best changes I’ve made for myself. I would work myself to the point of exhaustion and to the point where it was no longer enjoyable.

If I can take one thing away from 2016, it would be to focus on me. Don’t be selfish, but in order to love and care for others, you need to look out for yourself. I’ve constantly done this for others (which I will always do) but often I would then feel deflated when things were not appreciated. Having Baxter changed my views and my life in so many ways it unreal.

For me, being happy is a mindset thing. Once you stop overthinking every situation and filling your life with clutter and meaningless things you truly start to appreciate the good things in life.

This is your year, you got this!